


Mother

by CaptainLyssa



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Adoption, Aftermath of Torture, Angst and Drama, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22108150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainLyssa/pseuds/CaptainLyssa
Summary: Thomas Paris always knew the man he called father, was in fact his Dad. His mother, he wasn’t so sure about. When he uncovered the truth, it would be devastating for more than himself and explain so much about his almost unbearable childhood.
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway & Tom Paris, Kathryn Janeway/Owen Paris
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	1. History

**Author's Note:**

> I read a story which started the muse for this work. Thank you to the person who tickled my imagination. I have to say, while I enjoyed your story, I wanted to place a much more emotional slant on the idea. So, there is mention of underage sexual situations, adoption and captivity. If this distresses you, please don't read further. I've attempted to avoid most actions scenes by taking them 'off camera'.

The one thing Thomas Eugene Paris always knew, while the likeness to is father proved their shared genetic heritage, Mrs. Admiral Paris was **_not_** his mother. Mrs. Paris doted on her three girls, ensuring they received every advantage from her husband’s family wealth and position. Four generations of Starfleet Admirals made their surname prominent within the Federation. The moment the youngest turned twenty, Mrs. Paris divorced her husband of almost thirty years and moved as far away from Earth as possible. She ensured her offspring did not enter Starfleet, much to their father’s displeasure.

Nothing much changed for Tom when the woman moved out. From the moment of his first memory, it had been nannies and sitters while his father continued his meteoric climb up the Starfleet ladder. Mrs. Paris ensured the ‘boy’ was well cared for, physically. Emotionally, that was a very different matter. Vice-Admiral, then full Admiral Paris didn’t have the time nor the ability after the way Thomas’s conception occurred.

Young Tommy, as his new care-giver, Mrs. Green, labelled him, managed some semblance of normal just before his third birthday. The elderly woman, her own children and grandchildren scattered throughout the Federation, gave the child the emotional stability he craved. The position within the Admirals house worked for both the child yearning for a parental figure who would remain in his life for several years and a woman bereft of any close family.

At the tender age of six, and against Mrs. Green’s advice, Mrs. Admiral Paris started her husband down the path of creating his own image in the child by fostering all the hopes and dreams he’d long carried for his daughters. This idea pleased Owen and his attitude towards Tom changed. It drove the existing wedge between father and son deeper, destroying any hope of a closer relationship in the future. By the time Mrs. Paris left, Young Tommy’s care lay completely in the hands of Mrs. Green, a situation that would only last another eighteen months.

“I’ve enrolled you in The San Francisco Academy,” Admiral Own Paris stated at his son. He’d entered the house without so much as a hello and every intention of retiring to his home office for several more hours work. “You start on Monday.”

Tom glanced across the kitchen table to Mrs. Green. The woman, who preferred cooking to replicating dinner, spared the child a tight smile. They’d both known this day was coming. Neither had expected it quite so soon, or with so little warning. But then, this was the Admirals way in all things.

“What will happen to Mrs. Green?” Tom asked. Two nights remained in the only home he’d ever known and yet his worry was not for himself, but a woman he considered his grandmother.

“I hope you will stay on,” the Admiral frowned, looking around to find lady chopping vegetables.

“In what capacity?” the older woman asked, her demeanour clearly displaying her repugnance at the idea. Placing the sharp knife on the counter, she didn’t want to throw it at the indifferent man standing to attention in the entry to the cosy meals area.

“Housekeeper,” Owen stated easily, unable to see any issue with his plans. “Thomas will be boarding on campus until he enters Starfleet Academy. There is a fortnight semester break in December, and another, longer summer vacation.”

“So, I am to continue to look after your son?” Mrs. Green’s tone dropped, her eyes boring into the insensitive man. “Are you so obtuse, Admiral? Tom is not yet twelve, at an age where he needs his only parents’ involvement in his life, not sent away to create further distance.”

“If Thomas is to pass the Starfleet Academy entrance exams,” Owen was not use to explaining his decisions, especially to those beneath his rank. Yet, this woman’s eyes chastised him. “He must prepare now. Every Paris who has made Admiral has attended both institutions in preparation for a prestigious career. Only the very best are granted admission.”

“I see,” Mrs. Green stated, before returning to her vegetables. The inanimate objects felt the full force of her wrath. There was so much she wanted to say, but held her tongue.

When she’d arrived to take up her position, it took months to get Young Tommy to trust her. He’d been brought up by a series of paid employees, his father ignored him and the wife went out of her way to eschew the child. Only the eldest of the daughters even spoke to Tom. Once Mrs. Green gained his trust, the question of abandonment became a major issue. The child craved the attention and love that had so far been denied him. Elene Green gave it, freely and Young Tommy wanted to ensure he continued to be the centre of someone’s complete and undivided attention.

“You will not need to pack anything, Thomas,” Owen turned to his son, believing the discussion with the hired help to be concluded. “The school will provide everything you require. I’ve had my aid send you a communication with my expectations and those of the Academy. I hope you read it. Lt. Frewder will collect you tomorrow at fifteen hundred hours and transport you to your new school.”

“Understood, Sir,” Tom managed, holding back the shock and tears behind a bland expression. He didn’t even chance a look at Mrs. Green. If he did, the emotions he’d been holding on to by a thread would break. His father would be horrified at his son being so weak.

“Good,” the Admiral nodded. “Mrs. Green, I’ll be off planet for the next four weeks and incommunicado. Contact my aid if there is anything you need.”

“I’m afraid,” the incensed woman stated, her green eyes boring into those of the Admiral, “I will be resigning as of fifteen hundred hours tomorrow. In case you’ve forgotten, **_Sir_** , I have a home, and family, of my own. I have never needed the income from this position. I chose to stay all these years for the wellbeing of Tommy, even though my own son has requested I go and live with him and his family on Holt III.”

It wasn’t the last time Young Tommy encountered Mrs. Green. She managed to see the child twice before the Admiral returned to Earth. On learning of the continued association, Owen Paris contacted his son’s school. A call to the Principle and all visitor access and privileges were terminated. That was the very last straw for Tom.

 _If my father thinks so little of me_ , the lost and lonely boy theorised, _perhaps my real mother will want to know me. All I have to do is find out who, and where the woman is. Dad has never mentioned anything, and Mrs. Paris treated me with such contempt, the Admiral must have had an affair. Maybe if I examine my father’s service record, I’ll find out who._

It took Thomas Paris a year to understand the complexities of his father’s career. A year in which he excelled at school and made many friends with his easy personality. He also learnt how to fit in but keep his deepest insecurities buried beneath layers of sarcastic humour. Tom didn’t do it for his father, nor himself. Without the protection and safety of his school, there would be no one to turn too and nowhere for him to go.

Tom scoured both the Admirals personal and public profiles. He uncovered that his father grew up in a loving family, the only child of Admiral Jennifer and Captain Michael Paris. Owen experienced similar expectations from his female parent, attended the same school, entered Starfleet San Francisco Campus and rose through the ranks quickly. The difference seemed to be the praise his parents heaped on their son, celebrating his victories and encouraging him to overcome his defeats.

 _Why didn’t he do the same for me? It must have something to do with the way I was conceived. It occurred fourteen years ago_ , Tom speculated, using his age as a guide. He carefully re-examined that period of his father’s career to find any mention of a woman or assignation. When he found a name, he’d request a DNA scan and comparison to that individual. _There is nothing there. He was a Captain on the Al-Batani. The Arius expedition. Wait, he took an observer on that mission, the daughter of an Admiral. God, she was only sixteen and about to sit the entrance exams for Starfleet. Surely, he wouldn’t have. Yet, she delayed her application for a year, enough time to give birth. After graduation, they became very close and Dad sponsored her early career. Two years as an Ensign, three more until she made full Lieutenant. Lt. Commander Kathryn Janeway, first officer on Billings as of next month and barely thirty years of age. Looks like she’ll make Captain within the next ten years. That’d be right, both parents from prominent Starfleet families and aiming to be Admirals. No wonder my father expects so much of me. This Janeway woman probably will as well!_

Shaking his head, Tom knew there would be no loving reunion with his biological mother. A career officer, she’d never married or even been engaged. The relationship with Admiral Paris continued, in a more professional capacity after she’d made full Lieutenant, at least that’s what the official record showed. The fact she’d been around but never made the time or effort to contact Tom told the, now, thirteen-year-old a story.

 _My mother never wanted me_ , his world turned upside down when he finally accepted the fact. A DNA test confirmed his suspicions. Tom wondered if he should attempt to contact her and demand the truth about his conception. He decided against it as Lt. Commander Janeway was on deep space assignment for the next two years. _For whatever reason, she left me with dad. I wonder if she ever had any intention of acknowledging my existence. I guess not. It looks like her career is more important than being pinned down with a kid. She’ll be a Captain by the time she’s forty, that rivals the record set by my grandmother. No wonder she got rid of me._

It would take years for the heartbroken young man to realise that seventeen was far too young to raise a child. At the same age, Thomas Paris, now a first-year cadet at Starfleet Academy’s San Francisco campus, lost his virginity. After the act, he wondered what he’d do if a child resulted from his night of drunken partying. His father would be incensed, to put it lightly. Even with universal care, ex-cadet Tom Paris would struggle to meet the physical and emotional needs of a new born, let alone his own.

 _I think_ , Tom considered, collecting his scattered clothing and sneaking out of an unfamiliar bedroom, _I need to ensure I keep my contraceptives up. There is no way I’m going to give up sex, so I just have to make sure I’m not put in the same position as my mother. It’s no wonder she gave me up for my father to raise. In a stable relationship, without a son, I guess she thought I’d be well cared for. Well, little did she know._


	2. Recollections

“It’s his birthday,” Kathryn Janeway looked at the only picture she had of her son. Captain Owen Paris stood beside the labour chair with the baby in his arms and an exhausted mother who’d given birth only minutes before. Together they’d called him Thomas and decided he should live in the Paris household. It was the last time she’d seen her baby. At the time Kathryn hadn’t wanted to hold him, believing it would be harder to give him up. Time proved her wrong.

Tears in her eyes, Cadet Fourth Class Janeway knew she’d be late for her first lecture of the day if she didn’t get a move on. The depression had been getting deeper as the day until Tom’s first birthday approached. Right now, she wondered why she’d made this gut retching decision.

 _I was only sixteen_ , Kathryn reminded herself, _when the worst that can happen to anyone occurred. I was supposed to be an observer, getting experience on an Excelsior class starship before commencing at the Academy. Dad arranged the safest mission possible with is long-time friend. They dressed me in science blue so I wouldn’t stand out from the rest of the crew for my protection. Then we were ordered onto a covert mission and captured by the Cardassian’s. Both Captain Paris and I knew what was going to happen, how we were going to be tortured. I was a virgin, and didn’t want my first time to be, so, violent and disrespectful. He was so cautious and gentle, ensuring my first experience was tender, that I had a pleasant encounter. He tried to protect me, even while they brutalised him. I’ve learnt to live with the memories of being groped and fingered. Thankfully we were rescued before that Cardassian managed to make good on his promise in his cold eyes. A few weeks later I knew there’d been consequences. Between my father, Captain Paris and myself, we made plans we thought would be best for the baby. Now my arms ache to hold my son. There isn’t a day that goes by without thinking about Tom._

“Admiral,” Kathryn finally managed to get herself out of bed without her usual morning cup of coffee but running her fingers through her long hair to get it into some semblance of order. Sitting at the comm terminal, still in her pyjamas, she’d decided on a course of action. It took several minutes to reach his office in which Cadet Janeway almost changed her mind. When his face appeared on the screen, Kathryn forgot pleasantries as rage overtook her and demanded, “I want to see him.”

“We’ve discussed this,” Owen Paris’s expression hardened, before closing completely. “You made your decision and I don’t want my son upset, Cadet.”

“What about his mother?” Kathryn questioned in a heated tone. She couldn’t keep the anger at bay. It came suddenly, driving away the despondency for a few moments.

“Thomas is with his mother,” Owen gentled his tone at the stricken look on the young woman’s face.

Sighing, the older man, approaching his forty seventh birthday, understood, more than he’d like. He felt aggrieved, that this situation had occurred at all. If he’d known they would be rescued before their Cardassian captors managed to defile the young woman, Owen Paris would never have taken the actions he did. As a man, thirty years her senior, he could never care for the girl. As a husband and father of three already, he couldn’t offer her even the protection of his name, wealth and position, not that she or her father would have accepted it. Yet, he felt he owed her something.

On returning from their clandestine assignment and after the debrief in which Captain Paris laid his complete actions open, he’d been charged with statutory rape and conduct unbecoming an officer. Admiral and Miss Janeway’s testimony exonerated him from those charges, but not the censure in his colleague’s expression. The information he managed to uncover about the Cardassian’s allowed the board to promote Captain Paris to Vice-Admiral. Owen wondered if Starfleet bumped him into a desk job to watch his behaviour with any female under his command. Not that his office staff included a single woman, nor would it for the next decade.

“Kathryn,” Owen managed to keep his tone calm, “this decision was made with your cooperation and involvement. You chose your future prospects for the wellbeing of Thomas. I don’t think contacting me again is a good idea.”

“I need to see him,” the young woman’s tears could no longer be constrained.

“I know this can’t be easy for you,” Owen stated, his voice becoming impervious to her emotional outburst, “but it’s for Thomas’s good. You have to put the well-being of this child first, Kathryn. Thomas will grow up in a family, with his father and sisters. I thought that’s what you wanted for your son?”

“I do,” Kathryn managed.

Without another word, and against Starfleet regulations, she terminated the call, to an Admiral no less. Falling back into her bed, she cried herself to sleep. On waking, the Cadet found she’d been reprimanded for missing several classes. Taking the punishment, Cadet fourth class Kathryn Janeway decided she’d never put herself in that position again. She’d never beg Admiral Paris for information about her son, but she’d use him to further her career. In the mean time Kathryn started a log, in the hope Thomas would come looking for her one day.

On Thomas’s second birthday, Kathryn took weekend leave and returned to Indiana. Celebrating alone, she added another entry on the PADD she hoped to give to the boy in the future, explaining why she given him up and then stayed away. Starfleet held an exam for second class cadets on Tom’s third birthday. His fourth brought the feeling of depression, as it did every year. It never got any better on this day, but the rest of the year seemed easier to cope with. Not that there were any days the child didn’t cross her mind at some point. Kathryn covertly followed him as much as public information systems allowed. There never seemed to be enough data on her son. What little she found, Kathryn saved on her PADD and read often.

By Thomas Paris’s fifth birthday, Ensign Janeway was stationed on the science vessel _Gunther_ , light years from Earth. She’d used her influence over Admiral Paris and relationship to Admiral Janeway to get the assignment she wanted. It helped her make Lieutenant junior grade within two years of graduating. By the time her son turned seventeen and entered Starfleet Academy, Commander Janeway was on the fast track to becoming the youngest female Captain, even younger than Tom’s grandmother, who was a legend throughout the Federation.

 _Now_ , Kathryn considered her rank and authority, _I have the influence to take an interest in Tom’s life without risking suspicion. I might not be able to get past Owen on a personal level, but professionally, there is little he can do without creating mistrust._


	3. Caldik Prime

“You wanted to see me, Captain,” Lieutenant junior grade Thomas Paris stood at ease in the ready room. The _Exeter_ was Tom’s second posting on a starship as con officer. This was the first time he’d come to the attention of his commanding officer. Not sure what he’d done, he racked his brain and came up empty.

“I’ve been looking over your service record,” Captain Zhang Wei Yan commented, watching the young man’s reaction to his severe words. “It seems you have a mysterious sponsor, Mr. Paris.”

A confused expression covered the Tom’s face, while his captain’s older and weary eyes observed him carefully. Captain Zhang expected the benefactor to be his father, Admiral Paris. Their estrangement was easily confirmed, commencing when Tom attended boarding school at the tender age of eleven. Owen gave no quarter where his child was concerned, making him earn any shred of respect and advancement while at the Academy and later in his early career.

“I don’t know what you mean, Sir,” Tom offered, his mobile face showing the emotions he wanted displayed.

“Only eighteen months as an Ensign,” Zhang commented, looking to his screen theatrically. While not especially short, it was brief enough to place the officer on the list of individuals whose career needed to be considered for early advancement. “You’ve been a junior Lieutenant almost two years, and I see your name on the promotions list. You know, it’s strange,” pausing, the Captain let the atmosphere thicken, “I never put your name forward. I considered your father, but it seems even Admiral Paris knows nothing about this.”

“I’m not surprised,” Tom said, feeling he needed to respond. “The Admiral and I haven’t spoken since the day of my Graduation. I believe he was disappointed when I chose piloting over the command stream.”

Sighing, Captain Zhang knew Lt. Thomas Paris had high expectations to live up to where his family were concerned. The young man’s name made him Starfleet royalty. Then again, so were his supporters. Both Admiral and Commander Janeway had taken an interest in the young man’s career. While the junior officer had the ability, he couldn’t agree with the rapid promotion. Tom was one of his best pilots, his innate skill without question. Yet, it was his cavalier attitude Captain Zhang objected too.

“I don’t think you’re ready, Lieutenant,” the Captain stated, rising from his chair. “I’ve made you Chief Con officer, effective immediately. We’ll see how you cope with the extra duties and responsibility. Report to Commander Goh for your new assignment.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Tom offered, understanding the opportunity he’d been given. He tried to keep his confusion from showing as he considered who might be supporting his rapid promotion.

Once dismissed, Lt. Paris returned to his duty shift. It took three days to find the time and privacy to start his search. Tom wanted to know who was behind his rapid rise up the ranks, a rise he’d thought due to **_his_** skill and effort. A fortnight later, Thomas Eugene Paris finally had a name. It appeared on his terminal moments before he was to go on an away mission to Caldik Prime. The mission didn’t go as expected.

Piloting the shuttle with _Exeter’s_ First Officer and two other crew to the planet’s surface, Tom couldn’t keep this mind on his job. _Why_ , he asked himself as his fingers automatically kept the small craft on course, _is Admiral Edward Janeway taking a personal interest in my career? I know he’s friends with my father but he’s also Commander Kathryn Janeway’s father. Does he know about me? About our relationship? Who asked him to sponsor me, my mother or my father. If it was the Admiral,_ Tom had never been able to see his father any other way, _it would be a first. Yet, I can’t see the woman who gave birth to me and abandoned a child to the tender mercies of the Paris household, caring one way or the other. It’s not like Kathryn Janeway’s even tried to get in touch with me_

“Tom,” Commander Goh screamed from the co-pilot’s seat.

Recalling his attention to the vessel under his control, Tom realised his error seconds to late. His approach angle might have been corrected if a sudden wind shear hadn’t appeared out of thin air. Unable to react fast enough to the rapidly changing situation, Lt. Paris tried.

“Prepare for a crash landing,” Tom ordered, his hands still dancing over the interface in a desperate attempt to save them from a complete disaster.

When he woke, Lt. Paris’s first query was for his companions. The sad expression on his nurses’ face told him all he needed to know. Tom was the only survivor. Before he was released from sick bay, Captain Zhang informed him the shuttle’s logs had been examined and the accident attributed to environmental conditions. Although his best aviator, even Lt. Paris’s piloting skills wouldn’t have been sufficient to avoid the result.

Only Tom knew better. If his mind had been on the job, instead of his complicated family situation, he wouldn’t have placed the shuttle in danger in the first place. Lt. Paris knew he could have coped with the wind shear, maybe even anticipated it and made the corrections, if he’d been on course.

“Pilot error,” Tom threw a pillow at the wall of his quarters after his release from sickbay. “That accident was shear pilot error. It’s my fault three officers are dead.”

Still, something kept him from making a full confession. Days passed. Nothing came of the incident. Lt. Paris submitted his report, which was consistent with the facts but didn’t call attention to his miscalculations. Any discrepancies were either overlooked or considered irrelevant. A week later, Tom’s nightmares started. He relived the moment each night. It became more intense, the dead officers returning to accuse him of wrong doing.

“Captain Zhang,” Tom entered the ready room, unable to take the self-flagellation any longer. His eyes were blood shot and face haggard. Starfleet protocol had been followed to the letter after the accident. Lt. Paris had been forced to see a councillor before release from sickbay, then again as his shipmates noticed the continuing affect the incident caused.

“Lieutenant,” Zhang nodded, giving the man permission to speak freely. For Tom Paris to seek an interview, whatever he had to say had to be significant. “Is there something I can do for you?”

“I want to change my official report about the accident on Caldik Prime, Sir,” Tom stated, his voice cracking under the stress. “I caused that disaster. It's my fault Commander Goh and the others are dead.”

“Why are you telling me this now?” Demanded the Captain, not sure if the fallout had affected the Lieutenant more than anyone suspected.

“Because I can’t live with myself anymore,” Tom answered, handing the PADD over. It contained the truth and the end of his career.

Lt. Paris knew if he’d confessed a month ago, he would have been reprimanded, lost pay and privilege, maybe even served some brig time. Any chance of promotion to full Lieutenant would be a long time coming, but he’d still be the Starfleet officer his father expected him to be. That life was about to come crashing down. He’d be lucky if he retained his commission. He expected to be discharged, possibly dishonourably.

A week in the brig on Exeter only deepened his depression. His trial was scheduled for two days after landing on Earth. Tom’s lawyer barely had enough time to see his client before Lt. Paris went before the disciplinary board. The court martial was brief and to the point.

The Admiral overseeing the trial made his judgement. “Let the record show that Lt. Thomas Eugene Paris has pleaded guilty to the charge of conduct unbecoming of an officer, deliberately falsifying an official report, and causing the death of three fellow officers thought pilot error. I hereby strip you of your rank and privilege, Mr. Paris. It is the judgement of this court that Mr. Thomas Eugene Paris be dishonourably discharged from Starfleet.”

Owen Paris was furious as he watched his son led away. He’d been in the court room and understood his lack of wisdom twenty-four years earlier led to this decision. Admiral Hayter had been unimpressed by Owen’s actions and horrified when he’d gotten away without jail time. Gill Hayter waited years to get his revenge. Even then, Gill had taken his resentment out on the product of that indiscretion. Tom had been made a scape goat for Admiral Paris’s mistakes.

By the time Owen made it through all the bureaucracy and into the brig holding his son, Tom had been released, a free member of the Federation. It didn’t take the young man long to flee Earth on the first shuttle. The reports crossing Admiral Paris’s desk over the next few months demonstrated Thomas Paris was looking for a fight, and finding them in every bar between Earth and the Cardassian demilitarised zone. The final straw came when Owen’s son was arrested for treason.

“Why,” Owen asked when the transport carrying his son arrived on earth. Only his rank allowed him a few minutes alone with the traitor before he would be taken to Auckland for processing. The trial was a forgone conclusion and tabled for next week.

Shrugging his shoulders, Tom looked like a broken man. After being forced out of Starfleet, the only thing he’d wanted to do was fly. Finally coming across former Lt. Commander Chakotay and the Maquis, Tom got his wish. All they asked of him was to sit at the controls. No one cared if he drunk himself to oblivion every night, or that newly promoted Captain Kathryn Janeway was his mother and Admiral Owen Paris is father. No one questioned his feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing, nor his loneliness stemming from his childhood abandonment issues.

“There has to be a reason,” the Admiral couldn’t help the fury creeping into his tone.

“Where do you want to start,” Tom returned. His blue eyes narrowing on his father. “Not that I owe you and explanation, Dad,” he made the word sound like an accusation. “You never wanted me. My mother never wanted me. Oh, I figured out a long time ago who contributed the other fifty percent of my genetic material. I even thought about contacting Captain Janeway and asking how a sixteen-year-old gets pregnant to a man so much older. Why did you even bother to keep me? I must have been such an embarrassment, to the both of you. Coming from two highly decorated Starfleet families, you had completely unobtainable expectations of me. So why the sudden interest now? Your concern is noted, Admiral, but unwanted. Why don’t you do what you’ve always done, and leave me the hell alone.”

Back in his office, Owen finally felt the weight of his disinterest. _With age_ , his mind allowed, _comes wisdom, at least that’s supposed to be the natural progression. So why has it taken me this long to understand my son? That Mrs. Green knew him better than I did. That keeping Kathryn Janeway out of his life might have been the biggest mistake I’ve ever made._

“Captain,” Owen made the call that was twenty-five years too late.

“Admiral,” Kathryn didn’t let her shock show. She was in the final stages of _Voyager’s_ construction. Yet, she’d have to live under a rock to misunderstand the reason for this call. Janeway knew of Tom’s discharge, his months of aimless wandering until his found the Maquis. She’d followed his trial and sentencing, vowing to do something for her son before he became completely beyond amends.

“I have an idea,” Owen sighed, before explaining his scheme.

“You’ve been given permission for this plan?” Kathryn asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No,” Owen’s expression turned hard and uncompromising. “The reason Thomas was treated so harshly after Caldik Prime, was because of our history. Gill Hayter knows how to hold a grudge. He will retire in seven months, about the same time Voyager comes into service.”

Nodding her understanding, Kathryn Janeway knew she had to wait. Signing off, the next seven months would prove difficult. However, the loss of communication with her chief of security when he was undercover with the Maquis gave her the very opportunity she’d been looking for. It took little effort to have Thomas Eugene Paris released to her supervision on the pretext of acting as an observer in the Badlands.


	4. Auckland

Kathryn Janeway stood and observed the man in a grey prison uniform. This was the closest she’d come to her son since the day of his birth. Drinking in his appearance, she hoped Tom wouldn’t turn his attention to her before she’d finished examining him. His blue eyes were the exact shade as her mothers. He had Owen’s nose and colouring, her sister’s hair but the rest of his features were pure Janeway. Thomas Paris was a perfect mix of his parents

“Thomas Paris?” she finally got her emotions under good regulation. Allowing a slight smile to cover her face, she offered, “Kathryn Janeway. I served with your father on the _Al-Batani_.”

“Served?” Tom looked up, his expression surprised but cautious. “I heard you were barely out of high school and only an observer.”

Allowing her piercing gaze to sweep over the man, she couldn’t help know his meaning. It seemed her son knew exactly who she was and chose not to like her because of it. “I wonder if we could go somewhere and talk?”

“About what?” Tom asked, his tone restrained and expression guarded. When she didn’t answer, he threw down the tool in his hand and stated with controlled fury, “I’m not sure there’s anything you could say that I’d care to listen too.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” Kathryn offered reasonably, attempting to keep her disappointment at bay. “I'm leaving on a mission to find a Maquis ship that disappeared in the Badlands a week ago. I'd like you to come along.”

“You want me to lead you to my former colleagues,” Tom spat, once again feeling betrayed. “I hate to disappoint you, Captain, but I was only with the Maquis a few weeks before I was captured. I don't know where most of their hiding places are.”

“You’re not going to make this easy, are you Thomas?” Kathryn Janeway found her anger rising. She’d come here to set the record straight, to get her son out of prison and give him a second chance. It seemed he didn’t want it.

That bought a smile to his face. “Thomas, no one but my father calls me that.”

“Tom,” Kathryn allowed the name to roll off her tongue. Somehow it suited him better. “Let’s take a walk.”

Both understood the silent communication. They needed privacy to continue this discussion. Wordlessly agreeing, they ambled into a nearby woodland. It took several minutes for Kathryn to order her thoughts. Before she was able to start, Tom beat her.

“Why?” he asked. There was a pleading tone in his voice.

“I was nearly seventeen,” Kathryn sighed. “My family would have helped but, that’s not what you’re really asking. You want to know how.”

Nodding, Tom stopped and looked up at the foliage, not really seeing anything. “I always knew the Admirals wife wasn’t my mother. She treated me differently to my sisters. Besides, they all have dark hair and eyes. I was six before I comprehended the difference was caused by more than being a boy, that she blamed me for something I didn’t understand. I found out who you were when I was thirteen and knew you didn’t want me.”

“That’s not true. I tried to convince Owen to let me see you,” Kathryn stated. “The only image I have is minutes after your birth. I want to tell you, Tom, about how and why you were conceived, why I decided to keep you. Not here. Not now. Let’s get you released. When we’re in the shuttle on the way to spacedoc, there’s a PADD I’ve kept for over twenty-five years. After you’ve read it, we’ll talk.”

“This job, it’s just a ruse?” he asked.

“No,” Kathryn returned to the consummate Starfleet Officer. “My Chief of Security was on board _Val Jean_ , undercover. He was supposed to report in twice during the last six days. He didn't. That ship is under the command of a former Starfleet officer, named Chakotay. I understand you know him, that the two of you didn't get along too well.”

An ironic smile lit Tom’s face. “Chakotay will tell you he left Starfleet on principle, to defend his home colony from the Cardassian’s. I, on the other hand, was discharged. He considered me a mercenary, willing to fight for anyone who'd pay my bar bill. Trouble is, he was right.”

“I’m sorry,” Kathryn noticed the pain crossing her son’s features.

“It’s no one’s fault but my own,” Tom confessed easily, looking into the distance. “My childhood was screwed up by my father’s disinterest. But that was an excuse. There are lots of people who had it worse than I did. I was taught right from wrong, that I should have told the truth from the start. I didn’t because I knew what my father’s reaction would be. Because I thought my mother’s would be the same.”

“There’s more to it than that,” Kathryn finally understood Owen’s veiled hints. Before he could say another word, she gave him the famous Janeway glare. “Explanations later, Tom. Right now, let’s get you out of here.”

The release had been fast tracked by Starfleet command. The meeting with the penal colonies Warden was all but a formality. Captain Janeway refused to allow Tom to take any of his belongings, not that he’d had more than his clothing when captured. Replicating him a Starfleet uniform, they made their way to the transporter. From there it was a short journey to the Shuttle bay. The craft had been prepared and was waiting to ferry _Voyager’s_ Captain back to her command.

Before they settled into their seats, Kathryn retrieved the PADD she wanted her son to read. Handing it to him, she indicated he should take the co-pilot’s seat. “It’ll give you time to read. We only have forty minutes to spacedoc. Once you’re on board, we are to proceed to the DMZ with all haste.”

Nodding his understanding, Tom turned the device on. The first entry was dated three months before his birth. The audio channel was accompanied by a visual. He could see a woman younger than himself, heavily pregnant, explaining the events leading up to his conception.

“I don’t know what to say,” Tom turned the PADD off at the end of the emotional account.

“It because of the actions your father took on that mission,” Kathryn confessed, “that you were treated so badly by Starfleet at you court martial.”

“They took my father’s mistakes out on me?” Tom sounded astounded.

“Admiral Gill Hayter was just looking for an excuse,” Kathryn responded. “He found it in you. By the time I found out what was occurring, there was little I could do to stop it.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” Tom muttered. “You’re the reason I crashed the shuttle. No,” he sighed, finally needing to be honest with both himself and the woman sitting at his side, “that’s not fair. I discovered Admiral Janeway was helping my career along. My mind was filled with questions. I wondered if my grandfather knew about me, the situation, how I was conceived. I should have reported to sickbay instead of flying that shuttle. Had my mind had been on the job instead of personal problems…”

“We’ve both let you down, haven’t we,” Kathryn found the tears pooling in her eyes as her hand reached out to lay on Tom’s forearm.

“No more than I’ve let myself down,” Tom came to the sudden realisation, watching the pale skin against the black of his Starfleet uniform. “I’m not a child anymore. I can’t hide behind my past.”

“Good, because I have every intention of keeping you in my present and future,” Kathryn stated, patting him before returning her attention to piloting the shuttle.


	5. Accounting

“You asked to see me, Captain,” Tom wandered into the ready room.

 _Voyager_ had been stranded seventy thousand light years from home, in the Delta quadrant. The Caretaker and his array destroyed, the ship now had a very long journey home. It looked like Tom was going to have plenty of time to get to know his mother.

“I gather you have every intention of keeping your surname,” Kathryn eyed the observer.

“You mean the one I’ve adopted since coming aboard,” he smirked. “I do. I had the correct paper work filed in triplicate with the Federation before leaving DS9.”

“Then, Mr. Paris-Janeway, you have a problem,” Kathryn smirked. When he gave her one of those sarcastic looks, she added, “I've invited Chakotay and the other Maquis to become part of this crew.”

“He'll also be my First Officer,” Kathryn observed Tom closely. She wasn’t disappointed. His expression was everything she’d come to expect from the young man. “Everyone aboard this ship will report to him, including the Lieutenant assigned to conn.”

“Me?” Tom squeaked.

“After what Starfleet did to you at Caldik Prime,” Kathryn rose from her seat and came to stand before her son, “you've earned this, Tom. Anyone else would have received a demotion and their career would have been put on hold for a few years. Perfection is not expected from anyone, but you’ve more than paid for your mistakes. I'm only sorry your father won't know.”

“Oh, he'll know,” Tom found his eyes misting over. “When we get back.”

“Get out of here,” Kathryn gave him a quick hug before ordering, “dinner, tonight, in my quarters. I expect you every week. We have a lot to catch up on.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Tom smirked. It was really his way of saying all is forgiven and I’m learning to love you.

They’d been in the delta quadrant six weeks when Chakotay finally felt comfortable enough to approach the Captain with is concerns. “You’re treating Tom Paris differently to the rest of the crew,” he complained. “I’m not the only one who’s noticed. The rumours are rampant. Last night I heard one of the crewmen call him Two-dads. When I asked him to explain, he said it was an old Earth Navy custom for anyone with a hyphenated surname. I was shocked when he called Tom, Mr. Paris-Janeway.”

“Thomas Eugene Paris-Janeway. That’s his name,” Kathryn sighed, understanding the time had come to explained her relationship. “Chakotay, I know you think Tom is my reclamation project. In a way you’d be right, but the fault lays with me. Before you ask, he’d not my lover either. Tom’s my son.”


	6. Full Circle

“Your son! Kathryn,” forgetting himself, the First officer paced the room in an agitated manner. Hands behind his back in an at ease position, the man appeared anything but. He’d read the files on each and every crewmember aboard, even starting some on his former Maquis colleagues. Yet this, fact, this relationship between them hadn’t been anywhere, not even hinted at in the Captain or Paris’s records. Astonished, astounded, stunned and speechless, Chakotay’s mouth hung open while his mind tried to cope with this radical detail. Finally stopping dead before Kathryn’s desk, gaze narrowed on the woman, he stuttered, “your forty-one, Tom’s twenty-five, that would have made you…”

“Sixteen,” Captain Janeway waited for the penny to drop. A slightly ironic smile playing about her lips. She expected this reaction, witnessing it many times before, starting with her own father.

“Paris-Janeway?” Chakotay demanded, his eyes pleading for an explanation. “Surely there were other options for a young girl, other than adopting the child out?”

“There were,” Kathryn sighed while rolling her eyes. Allowing her tone to take on a self-effacing affect, she stated, “however by the time I realised, Tom already let his presence be known. I was sixteen weeks before I realised I was pregnant and it took me another three to tell anyone. Most of those weeks were spent in Starfleet medical, which makes the story astonishing.”

“I don’t understand,” Chakotay’s bewilderment permeated the room. He read her personnel file through several times in the last weeks hoping to get an idea of the type of woman at _Voyager’s_ helm. Her record was exemplary, unblemished. Yet, somehow, she’d managed to hide this revelation.

Smiling, Kathryn’s eyes looked through the man to the wall beyond. Lost in internal recrimination and the past, her voice took on a faraway aspect. “I wasn’t supposed to be on the Arias expedition. I wasn’t even at Starfleet academy yet. My father managed to convince a friend to give his daughter some practical starship experience. It didn’t quiet end the way anyone wanted.” Sighing heavily, her attention recalled to the present, Kathryn watched Chakotay with cautious eyes, unsure what he would do with this information. “Anyway, if you can do the calculation, I’m sure the rest of the crew won’t be far behind. I haven’t made a public announcement about my son, but Tom and I haven’t kept the closeness of our relationship a secret either.”

“Paris?” the First Officer finally found the words to ask the question at the forefront of his mind. “Am I to understand Admiral Owen Paris **_is_** Tom’s father.” When the Captain nodded, Chakotay finally became silent. A concerned and intrigued expression covering his face. The man had to be thirty years older than Kathryn and he’d been the Captain of the vessel sent on the Arias expedition.

“Don’t ask for the details,” Kathryn’s voice became hard and unyielding. “I’ve only just had the courage to tell my son about the circumstances surrounding his conception. Both my father and Admiral Paris felt it would be to Tom’s advantage to bring him up in a family environment, without any contact from his biological mother.”

“I observed, first hand,” Chakotay stated acidly, “how that turned out.”

“Do you think it was any easier for me,” the tone became deadly quiet, “siting back and watching my son self-destruct? Why do you think I moved hell and the Starfleet administration to get my son a second chance on this ship?”

Before Chakotay could formulate an answer, a chime from the ready room door interrupted their conversation. Kathryn called ‘come’, regretting how much she’d told Chakotay about her private life. Yet, as First Officer he had to know the truth. The relationship between the men tense at best, these new facts put Chakotay in a difficult position. He would need to act as Thomas Paris-Janeway’s intermediary with the Captain in a professional capacity. Eyes widening, the First Officer knew further discussion on this subject was out of bounds.

“M…Captain,” the object of their discussion entered, abruptly becoming very formal in his address. “Commander.”

“Mr. Paris-Janeway,” Chakotay returned, suddenly feeling superfluous with the curious gaze Tom directed at his mother. “If you’ll excuse me, Captain?”

Nodding in dismissal, Kathryn Janeway’s eyes were only for her son. Twenty-five years without him in her life and she’d yet to accept the emotions of joy every time Tom came into her line of sight. They heard Chakotay depart before Tom allowed his posture to become more natural.

“You told him.”

“I didn’t have a choice,” Kathryn sighed, indicating Tom should approach and give her a hug. They’d become more affectionate, spending at least two evenings together each week. There never seemed enough time to say all those things that had built up over a lifetime. “I’m not sure how your new name got into general circulation, but it was bound to happen eventually.”

Shrugging, Tom grinned. “I think Harry might be the cultrate. I’m learning that he can’t keep a secret.”

“Ensign Kim is rather,” Kathryn chuckled, “honest.”

“It’s 1930, ship time,” the younger man chastised, suddenly changing the subject.

Allowing her eyebrow to rise, the Captain answered her son’s rebuke.

“You know, our relationship was always going to get out,” Tom settled on the corner of her desk. “Is that what Chakotay was in here doing? Trying to find out why half the crew is calling me Two-Dad’s.”

“Yes,” Kathryn drank in the sight before her. Lifting a hand to her cheek, she allowed herself the guilty pleasure of watching. Each and every small nuance intrigued her, wondering when and where her son picked up some of his mannerisms.

“So you told him,” Tom’s tone was jovial, but the concern showed in his blue eyes. When Kathryn agreed silently, the Con Officer’s posture slumped. “Well, there goes my reputation.”

She couldn’t help herself. Captain Kathryn Janeway laughed, hard. “So, the crew though you were for filling another role in my life.”

Joining her hilarity, Tom chuckled. “So, rumour has it.” Sobering quickly, he shook his head. “I guess our weekly dinner is off.” Yet there was a pleading expression in his eyes, as if Thomas Paris expected to be abandoned once again.

“I think,” Janeway stood and approached the son she’d never held, or watched grow into a man, “you are going to be my human credential out here.”

Shock covered the young man’s face. Looking slightly confused, Tom requested, “how?”

“The Admiralty all knew you were Owen and my son. They were aware of the circumstances behind your conception. As I said, it was the reason you were treated so badly during your court martial over the Caldik Prime incident,” Kathryn frowned. “Owen and I hoped serving on _Voyager_ as an observer, learning about our relationship might be a new beginning for you, a second chance to prove the man you really are. Being stuck in the Delta quadrant,” the Captain’s grey gaze board into the man before her, trying to make him understand, “will give us time to come to know each other, Tom.”

“I’m the only person you can be yourself with,” he suddenly realised. Without the backup of a command structure, each and every decision concerning _Voyager_ and her crew lay with his mother. As did the responsibility for that choice. When they returned to Earth, Starfleet would scrutinise each aspect of her conduct. Thomas Paris-Janeway would give the woman a little opportunity to be human.

Linking her arm with her son, Kathryn Janeway directed them toward the rear entrance to her ready room. Waiting until they were in the turbolift, she finally spoke. “You’re the only person on this ship I’m allow to have a relationship with, Tom. Believe me, I intend to use the time to get to know you, to make up for the last twenty-five years I was forced out of your life. Now that I’m in it, I have no intention of allowing anyone to come between us again.”

“I have to tell you about Mrs. Green,” Tom smiled at the memory. Although his mother gave him a curious gaze, he waited until they were seated at the table in her private quarters before he stated to speak of the only woman he’d ever trusted. It turned out to be a very long night, as Thomas Paris recounted the happiest memories of his childhood.

After he left, Kathryn Janeway sat beneath her window for hours, contemplating the information she’d learnt. She listened to every word, heard the heartbreak and loneliness permeating each sentence and finally allowed her own guilt to surface once again. _I promise_ , she silently declared, _I am going to help you overcome the damage done to your spirit. As you will become my human credential, I have every intention of becoming yours._


End file.
